Life Power For Those Depressed and Feeling Hopeless 

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Everlasting Light from the Darkness

The actual place...

    8:13 AM 5/19/2010  - A life experience from 5-6 years ago.

    Life renders opportunities to us ... defining moments ... this time it was not just a
    defining moment, not just a turning point, this time ... my life was at stake.
    Darkness, the definition begs the obvious. Void of Light. But there is this place that is
    more than darkness, deeper than darkness, it has inertia, it has a pulling force that
    holds us down, then makes us fall ... then sucks us deeper and deeper, falling without
    hope of ever standing up again... its name is despair, some call it depression,
    but its so much more than being 'depressed' or pressed down... its a black hole,
    a chasm, an abyss and unless you've ever fallen in it you could never understand it
    so explains the vastness of the space of loneliness that accompanies this dark fall.

    I was there in that place... falling and had fallen this time deeper than I had ever gone...
    through the years of some childhood agonies, through the years of dealing with debilitating
    personal challenges of dark overwhelming days that would not stop coming at me,
    I felt completely alone, all of that was enough but when all
    of my family and life as I knew it and close friends  were gone, there seemed
    to be nothing else to hold onto that I could find. I had  even lost sight of God
    and could not find him that day...I could not see anything but the winter wind 
    ripping the freezing water... 

   From these endless days of agony  I now could no longer feel anything, anymore
   and I could hear nothing in my pitch black hole, nothing...see nothing, hear nothing,
   and feel nothing more...completely helpless, completely hopeless ...
   all life was gone from me...there was nothing left...nothing but that one
   degrading, debilitating, paralyzing feeling that I was worthless, and I must have
   deserved this for why else was this guilt and shame drowning me with darkness.
   All I was left to do was to helplessly fall deeper and  deeper and deeper.
   I had the lost everything. I had lost all control.

   Then I sensed it and it almost felt as if a mighty power had sweep over me...
   in the form of a simple profound truth... but a truth without light ...it was like a tree of
   good and evil and I was offered  knowledge. This knowledge was powerful
   it was the 'knowledge' that I did have a choice. The 'knowledge' that I could
   actually in that moment take control of something.  As I starred into the
   angry bitter cold winter water raging out of control the knowledge opened
   up one possibility to me... I could control this feeling that seized me, and I
   then knew

   ...I could control something !

   I could end it all.  I could end the inevitable pain and agonizing loneliness,
   this suffering could stop, this blinding guilt and darkness that consumed me would no longer
   ravage me and rip me and suck on me like a beast eating my flesh and bones and
   heart and soul one bite  at a time while I lived to feel it and watch...

    I could stop this.  I could stop this.

    If I simply stood up and walked into the icy cold water and just
   walked far enough and stood there ....I could finally get control. I could control of
   something...I had the power at least in that and oh what a omnipotent limitless grant of
   power it was...not just any power...but the power of life itself...

   Just like that...that's was all it took...that 'knowledge' that was gifted to me by
   this unknown force...in this place of my deep silence where no one could
   hear my scream but there was no sound allowed in this place, no music,
   was allowed.

   So I started in my mind to stand and walk but as I physically attempted to stand
   one more powerful than the that truth without light slide their arms around me and
   I could feel it... and I knew it, it startled me to have another knowledge another
   revelation in the midst of the one that seemed so clear a few moments before
   but this truth, this knowledge was completely full of the the most brilliant light
   and feeling and its force was clear as to be able to stop the very turning of the
   planet the One whose arms wrapped tight around me...whose presence made
   all life begin and had the power with a word to veto my sure resolve that
   I had the control over life itself...and everything was in a moment clarified by
   the greatest of all truths... in its purest form the most profound truth full of
   the most radiant light.... and I knew it was all about

   Love.

   And this experience was all for me to know without a doubt that all the faith
   I had in previous years would not fail me then or ever...there was a God
   and He sat down beside me that day. No experience equaled that revelation
   before or since, that there was indeed God and He reached His
   arms around me and held me to that rock where I sat and would not let me
   go.

   There was a way out...there was a hope...there was Someone left that
   cared and that always did. All foundations of everything I believed in
   was proven in that moment...confirmed...actuallized...I had found
   it amazingly without man, all alone, completely helpless and hopeless...
   The realization of this truth with light and it was gloriously
   overwhelmingly the most important thing I had ever discovered even
   above any written words I'd ever read, studied , or heard. Even above all the
   lifetime of teaching and preaching and gathering and ministry and surrender
   even above all of life lessons and experiences this was the MOST profound
   truth...

   That God Himself was with me even in my darkest hour, in the darkest place
   and would never leave me there or anywhere and would never
   forsake me no matter what. He wrapped His mighty arms around me
   and held me close and refused to let me go. He had always been there 
   and would always be that force in me greater than the darkness or my
   most powerful moments of darkness that could ever attempt to suck my life away...
   when all else failed... God was enough.

  God is enough.

  I did have a choice that day. I was however now allowed to be in control
  by the law of His never ending love that refused to change, refused to
  let me be alone, refused to let me go if only I would 'let go' and receive it.
  And when I felt the perfection of that love and limitless grace that day...
  it resuscitated my dying heart and soul and it compelled me to choose
   the truth of the light .. that bright truth, that magnificent light, and
  that one true knowledge, that transformed into a gift of eternal wisdom
  that day...a true turning point...a true gift of life power that was mine
  to keep forever...the life altering truth that I was loved,

  I was never alone,and I never would be alone again.

  There was a power far greater to pull me out of this hopeless fall
  and set me upright again, and put the broken
  pieces of my heart back together again and in time I would be like new
  again...He was there, He was perfect compassion, perfect tenderness,
  perfect comfort holding me close to His heart,He was there beside me,
  around me, and most importantly in me and through me. He was not just
  willing to give me purpose and do anything for me, but He would in fact finish
  all that He had started within me... There was a way...and there was a reason
  for it all... and there He would always be because I was worth it ... my life
  with Him in control was worth it.

He had great things for me ahead ... everything was possible even hope,
even complete peace, a growing contentment and thankfulness, even a purpose for life,
 with limitless power to achieve anything He willed, even joy unspeakable every day,
light that could not be extinguished to always remind me to "let go" of the
 controls, and by surrendering I find my life, I win ... by surrendering I win !

And even an everlasting true love sealed with an assurance that
nothing will ever separate me from it again.

 Everything is possible indeed.

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For years I proclaimed Ephesians 3:20 as my favorite scripture (I thought to
be the most profound truth in the Word) and this experience and journey
has continued to confirm that ...

"Now unto Him who IS able to do exceedingly, abundantly, above all, that we ask and
think, According to His POWER that is WITHIN us..."